TAPPING 8 (Relationship Baggage)

A good relationship can lighten your load and light up your life. A bad one on the other hand, can be ruinous. Worst of all, your experiences in a failed relationship can “carry over” to future relationships, sabotaging potentially wonderful new partnerships. How do we free ourselves of this stagnant, excess baggage so we can freely enjoy the new love in our lives?

This is a topic I address in my book “The Tapping Solution: A Revolutionary System for Stress-Free Living” through a Tapping routine that helps you free yourself from old hurts. Here’s an extended version of that routine to really help you go deeply into the core of your romantic distress and eliminate anything you’re bringing forward from failed relationships in your past. It can overhaul and save your relationship overnight.

Tapping varies for everyone: some people just need to do a few rounds to clear the negative emotions that have them all wound up; others need a few more rounds. Whichever the case is for you, it’s always great to go deeper and longer. As you do, take note of any unexpected thoughts or feelings that arise. These can often be used to help you clear your negative attachment to incidents or emotions buried in your unconscious mind that may have been tripping you up without you even knowing it!

If you suspect that your romantic problems in the past are undermining your current relationship or getting in the way of you finding a new one, then you should really take stock of just how “heavy” your baggage is.

To do this, repeat the following check-in phrase: The baggage from my romantic past is weighing me down.

How do you feel when you say that? Do you shudder or feel a pit in your stomach? Do you feel a pang in your heart? Rate the level of discomfort that arises when you say this phrase on a scale of 1 to 10. If you’re clocking in above a 5, then this is definitely a subject you want to use Tapping to address.

Start by tapping on the karate chop point, saying:

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve got all this relationship baggage, perhaps I can accept myself anyway.

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve gathered all this baggage from all those other relationships, I’m choosing to find a way to put it down.

Karate Chop: Even though I’ve been carrying this relationship baggage with me” it sure is getting heavy” I’m just going to acknowledge that’s what I’ve been doing and accept myself anyway.

Next, move on to the tapping points.

Eyebrow: This relationship baggage . . .
Side of Eye: All those old hurts and fears. . .
Under Eye: The pain and suffering. . .
Under Nose: All those tears. . .
Chin: I’ve been gathering all this baggage. . .
Collarbone: Carrying it with me into every relationship. . .
Under Arm: As a reminder to keep me safe. . .
Top of Head: But, boy, is it getting heavy!

Eyebrow: I’m so afraid that I’m unlovable. . .
Side of Eye: I’m so fearful that I’m going to repeat the old patterns again. . .
Under Eye: Why bother?
Under Nose: I don’t want to be hurt again. . .
Chin: I just can’t handle being hurt again. . .
Collarbone: I can’t deal with the pain. . .
Under Arm: I still feel my past hurt. . .
Top of Head: I want to be free of it. . .

Take a deep breath. How are you feeling? Hopefully you’re releasing some of that baggage already. Are there any feelings, thoughts or flashes of insight coming up as you tap? If so, incorporate them into tapping. Return to the eyebrow:

Eyebrow: All this stuff in my past. . .
Side of Eye: All of this drama!
Under Eye: I don’t want it anymore. . .
Under Nose: It makes me so angry!
Chin: It makes me so sad. . .
Collarbone: I was wronged. . .
Under Arm: But I also made so many mistakes. . .
Top of Head: I can’t go through all of that again. . .

Eyebrow: Relationships seem so difficult. . .
Side of Eye: I know a good relationship takes work. . .
Under Eye: But I don’t want it to be an uphill battle. . .
Under Nose: I just want to love and be loved. . .
Chin: And I don’t want my messy past getting in the way. . .
Collarbone: I just want to let go. . .
Under Arm: I want to feel love again. . .
Top of Head: I don’t want to feel frustrated about love anymore. . .

How are you feeling? You’ll want to repeat these rounds, and even a few of your own, until your frustration subsides and is scoring about a 2 or 3. Tap it all the way down to a zero if you can! Once you’re feeling considerably better, move on to the positive rounds below:

Eyebrow: I am worthy of love. . .
Side of Eye: My past doesn’t have to get in my way. . .
Under Eye: I choose to be ready for love. . .
Under Nose: I choose to leave my baggage in the past. . .
Chin: I’ve learned my lessons in love. . .
Collarbone: I can’t wait to apply what I’ve learned to a new relationship. . .
Under Arm: I’m so glad I’ve decided to put down some of this old baggage . . .
Top of Head: I’m ready to travel lighter. . .

Eyebrow: I’m leaving this baggage right here. . .
Side of Eye: I’m not going to carry it anymore. . .
Under Eye: I’m creating space in my life. . .
Under Nose: Space for love to grow. . .
Chin: I’m dumping those toxic feelings. . .
Collarbone: That have been weighing me down. . .
Under Arm: I already feel so much better. . .
Top of Head: I already feel so much freer. . .

Eyebrow: All these old ghosts and memories. . .
Side of Eye: Now I’ve found a way. . .
Under Eye: To put some of these old bags down . . .
Under Nose: I’m ready to travel lighter. . .
Chin: What if I could be excited and curious about this whole relationship thing?
Collarbone: I wonder what possibilities would open up?
Under Arm: I’m so glad I’ve decided to put down some of this old baggage . . .
Top of Head: I’m ready to travel lighter. . .


Take a deep breath . . . and let it go.