TFT Algorithm For Rage

RAGE ALGORITHM

1. Tune the Thought Field -- that is, intentionally think about the rage that produce such emotional distress in your life. 

2. Rate the intensity of your rage at this moment, using the Subjective Units of Distress (SUD) scale. On this scale, 10 is the worst you could possibly feel, and 1 indicates absolutely no trace of rage. Write down the SUD rating before you continue to the next step.

3. Using two fingers of one hand, tap a spot on the outside edge of the eye. Tap five times, firmly and gently, but not nearly hard enough to bruise. 

4. Tap the "collarbone point." To locate it, take two fingers of either hand and run them down the center of the throat to the top of the center collarbone notch. This is approximately even with the spot where a man would knot his tie. From there, move straight down an additional inch. Then move to the right one inch. Tap this point five times. 

5. Take a second SUD rating and write it down. If the SUD has decreased 2 or more points (which will be the case for most people), then continue with step 6 below. If there was no change, however, or if the change in the SUD was only 1 point, perform the correction for a psychological reversal, using the technique described in this post (CLICK HERE). Then repeat steps 1 through 5.

6. Perform the nine-gamut treatments. Locate the gamut spot on the back of the hand, about an inch below the raised knuckles of the ring finger and little finger when making a fist. Begin tapping the gamut spot with two fingers of the opposite hand, about three to five times per second, and continue tapping while performing all nine steps below ( tap five or six times for each of the nine-gamut positions). It is very important to tap the gamut spot throughout all nine of these gamut treatments:

G1~ Open the eyes.

G2~ Close the eyes.

G3~ Open the eyes and point eyeball down and to the left.

G4~ Point the eyeballs down and to the right.

G5~ Whirl the eyeballs around in a circle in one direction (clockwise).

G6~ Whirl the eyeballs around in the opposite direction (counter clockwise).

G7~ Hum a few bars of any tune aloud (more than a single note; 
rest the eyes).

G8~ Count aloud from one to five.

G9~ Hum the tune again.

7. Tap the outside edge of the eye five times again.

8. Tap the collarbone point five times again.

9. Take still another SUD rating and write it down. If it has declined to 1 (which will happen with most people), move to step 10 below. But if it has decreased significantly yet is still not a 1, perform the MINI PR correction as described below, and then repeat the treatment steps above.

10. To ensure that the improvements you've made are complete, perform the floor-to-ceiling eye roll (when the SUD is 2 or lower): Hold the head level and move your eyes down. Then begin tapping the gamut point as you move your eyes upward.

MINI PR
 A related procedure, called a mini psychological reversal correction, can be used when you decrease your SUD to a 3 or 4 but can't seem to get it any lower.  In other words, you've achieved substantial improvement, but you can't get to the finish line.  A block exists that is keeping you from reducing the SUD any further
  In the algorithm for your particular emotional problem, you'll be instructed on whether and when to use this technique. here is the  procedure to follow:
~ Find the PR spot mentioned above,  located on the outside edge of the  hand, between the wrist and the  base of the little finger.


~ Tap about fifteen (15) times with two fingers of the opposite hand. 



  As long as a psychological reversal persists, TFT ( or any other treatment) won't be able to get the SUD to a 1.  The PR or mini PR correction will open the door that allows TFT to eradicate your problem.

Hands Numb in The Morning. Why?

Why are my hands and arms numb every morning when I first get up? I am not sleeping any different than I always have. I thought maybe carpal tunnel but even my pinkys are numb and I thought carpel tunnel excluded the pinky. It's been like this for about a month.

Sometimes the median nerve innervate the small finger. Some times it's a combination of cts and cubital tunnel syndrome, which affects the ulnar nerve at the elbow. This combination causes numbness in all fingers. Cervical problems can also be a culprit.


1.Nerve (Overview)

The brain and spinal cord communicates with what is occurring in the internal organs and limbs by nerve fibers where are like electrical wires with insulation (myelin) and the "copper" (axon). Within brain and spinal cord these nerves connect to other nerves via synapses on both axons and dendrites. A nerve can carry information regarding sensations, and also commands for function.

 

2. Cubital Tunnel Syndrome (Overview)

This is entrapment or compression at the level of the elbow of the ulnar,nerve. Occurs along course of nerve somewhere between the arcade of Struther's down to the flexor carpi ulnaris. Results in numbness of little finger and half of ring finger, and weakness of intrinsic muscles of the hand. Most common level of compression is at level of medial epicondyle.

 

3.

The causes of hand numbness in morning can be attributed to these conditions:

• Inappropriate sleeping position
• Nutritional deficiency in vitamin B12
• Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
• Peripheral Neuropathy is often detected with the feeling of having numbness in the hands that lasts for some time.

How to Get Rid of Hand Numbing

To be able to treat numbness and loss of sensation in the hands, home remedies and tips to get rid of numb hands in morning should be sought.

Consume rosemary, matricaria recutita, and gingko biloba as these herbs help heal nerve damages.

Biochemic tissue salts like magnesium phosphate, kalium phosphate, and ferrum phosphoricum. They provide the nutritional needs of the brain and the nerves to promote systemic balance in the nervous system.

Homeopathic remedies play a significant role in healing nerve damage causing numbness.

Tamarind leaves can also help relieve the numbness in hands.

Slowly move your hands and stretch for a few seconds. Try this right every time you wake up.

Pain and numbness in both the hands may have many reasons. One of the foremost reasons is vitamin B deficiency. Other reason can be due to improper posture while sleeping. Carpel tunnel syndrome may also cause numbness, but is usually unilateral meaning one sided. However, it can also be a presenting symptom in both hands if a nerve in both hands is compressed. It can also be due to pinched nerve in cervical vertebra. These tips may help to alleviate the problem:
• Eat green leafy vegetables, fruits, spinach, lean meat, eggs, milk, etc. All are rich in various B vitamins.
• Avoid lifting heavy objects.
• Do gentle exercises.
• Avoid drinking alcohol.
• Change your sleeping position if you feel sleeping in one position is the cause.
If you do not find relief within few days consult your physician.

Numbness in Left Hand Causes, Home Remedies:

While most people may be alarmed at the left hand becoming numb, the truth is that it may not be a truly serious condition that merits worrying. Most cases of numbness on the left hand are due to carpal tunnel syndrome. It may start with just numb fingertips, but gradually the tingling sensation could spread across you entire hand.

Carpal tunnel syndrome is an affliction in the wrist area that may cause numbness of the hands.

Another reason for left arm pain and numbness is due to repetitive motion. This is true especially for those who are lefties and who use there left hands more often than the right hand. When this happens, there may be a compression of the nerves and is quite painful.

Another cause for numbness in the left hand is due to a certain disease that causes an intense pain that is sometimes described by patients like having hot needles prickling one’s hands. A common disease that causes this condition is rheumatism and gout problems.
If the numbness begins in the left hand but spreads into the other parts of the body, the condition may be due to circulatory problems. This is also true when there is a sudden numbness of the hands. Sometimes there is left arm numbness and tingling.  This is a true cause for concern because it can serve as clue for an impending heart attack or stroke. In this case, one should immediately seek medical attention once the condition is encountered due to the life-threatening nature of the two ailments.

Treatment of Numbness in Hands

Unless the condition is very serious, such as when there is an impending stroke, one can apply home remedies for numbness in the hands. The following are some of the home remedies:

• Dip the affected hand in lukewarm water. This will allow some relief from hand numbness. For better result, try to mix at least a tablespoon of rock salt into the water.

• One may also try cold treatments for numb hand. This is done by dipping the affected hand into a basin of cold water or a basin filled with ice. The cold temperature will soothe the numbing pain.

• Another home remedy is to warm a handful of tamarind leaves over a low flame. When the leaves are heated, wrap them on a handkerchief or any piece of cloth. Tape the cloth containing the heated tamarind leaves to the affected part to relieve numbness. One may also try the same remedy but using ginger instead.

BE STRONG; FEAR NOT

Be strong! Fear not; Fear is man's only adversary. You face defeat whenever you are fearful! Fear of lack! Fear of failure! Fear of loss! Fear of personality! Fear of criticism! Fear robs you of all power, for you have lost your contact with the Universal Power House. "Why are ye fearful, Oh ye of little faith?" Fear is inverted faith. It is faith turned upside down. When you are fearful you begin to attract the thing you fear: you are magnetizing it. You are hypnotized by the race thought when you are afraid.

Daniel was undisturbed because he knew his God was stronger than the lions, His God made the lions as harmless as kittens, so walk up to your lion as quickly as possible and see for yourself. Perhaps, all your life you've been running away from some particular lion. It has made your life miserable and your hair grey. A hairdresser once told me that she knew a woman, whose grey hair returned to its natural color when she stopped worry. A woman said to me during an interview, "I'm not a bit fearful, but I worry a lot." Fear and worry are twins and are the same thing. If you were fearless your worry cells would be dried up. Why are ye worried, Oh ye of little faith? I think the most prevalent fear is the fear of loss. Perhaps you have everything that life can give, but in creeps the old lion of apprehension. You hear him growling, "It's too good to be true! It can't last." If he gets your attention you may well worry.

Many people have lost what they prized most dearly in life. That is because invariably they fear loss. The only weapon you can use against your lions is your word. Your word is your wand, filled with magic and power. You wave your wand over your lion and transmute him into a kitten. BUT the lion will remain a lion unless you walk up to him. You may well ask, "HOW do we walk up to lions?" Moses said unto his people, "Fear ye not, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will show to you this day for the Egyptians whom ye have seen today, ye shall see them again, no more forever! The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." What a marvellous arrangement!

Infinite Intelligence knows the way out. Infinite Intelligence knows where the supply is, for every demand. But we must trust It, keep our poise, and give It right of way. So many people are afraid of other people. They run away from disagreeable situations, so of course, the situation runs after them.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation: whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life: of whom shall I be afraid?" The twenty-seventh Psalm is one of the most triumphant Psalms! It is also rhythmic and musical. The writer realized that no enemy could harm him, for the Lord was his light and his salvation. Now remember, your only enemies are within yourself. The Bible is speaking of the enemy thoughts, your doubts, fears, hates, resentments, and forebodings. Every negative situation in your life is a crystallized thought, it has been built up out of your own vain imaginings! But these situations cannot stand the light of truth. So, you face the situation fearlessly, saying, "The Lord is my light and salvation; whom shall I fear?" Jesus Christ was the greatest of metaphysicians and gave us definite rules for controlling conditions through word and thought. "Thou hast made me wiser than mine enemies." First of all, you must be wiser than your enemy thoughts, the army of the aliens. You must answer every negative thought with a word of authority. The army of the aliens will chant: "Business is dull and money is scarce." Immediately you reply, "My supply comes from God and now appears like mushrooms overnight." There are no hard times in the kingdom. You may have to keep this up for quite a while, like the song of the katydids — "Katy did—Katy didn't." and so on. Finally you win out, for the truth must prevail and you have put to flight the army of the aliens. Then, when you are off your guard, the army of the aliens begins again; "You're not appreciated, you'll never be a success." You answer immediately: "God appreciates me, therefore man appreciates me. Nothing can interfere with my divinely designed success." Finally the army of the aliens is dissolved and dissipated, because you do not give it your attention. You have starved the aliens out. Starve out the fear thoughts by not giving them your attention and acting your faith. The lion draws his fierceness from your fear, his roar is in the tremors of your heart. Stand still like Daniel, and you too shall hear the rush of angels sent to take your part.

The mission of Jesus Christ was to wake people up. "Awake thou that sleepeth." People were asleep in the Adamic dream of opposites. Lack, loss, failure, sin, sickness and death seemed realities to them. The story of Adam is, that he ate of the tree of Illusion and fell into a deep sleep. In this deep sleep he vainly imagined good and evil.

Bernard Shaw, in his book Back to Methuselah, says: "Adam invented murder, birth and death and all negative conditions." It was the development of the reasoning mind. Of course, Adam stands for Generic Mind. In the Garden of Eden stage, man functioned only in the superconscious. Whatever he desired or required was always at hand. With the development of the reasoning mind came the fall of man. He reasoned himself into lack, limitations and failure. He earned his bread by the sweat of the brow, instead of being Divinely provided for.

Jesus Christ's message was to bring people back into the "fourth dimension," the Garden of Eden consciousness. In the 14th Chapter of John we find the summing-up of all His teachings. He called it, "The Gospel," which means "Good Tidings." 

With amazing simplicity and directness, He told the people that if they asked, believing, they would receive; attributing the power always to the Father within. God is the Giver, man the receiver! This Supreme Intelligence supplies man with all that he desires or requires! This was certainly a doctrine to wake people up! He proved His statements with miracles and wonders. One of the most dramatic miracles was the healing of the man who had been blind from birth. The opponents of Jesus questioned the man, hoping to find something against Him. But the man would only say: "One thing I know; whereas I was blind, now I can see." This is a marvellous statement to make to yourself. "Whereas I was blind, now I can see." Perhaps you were blind to your good, blind to your opportunities, blind to your intuitive leads, blind to appearances, mistaking friends for enemies. When you are awake to your good, you know there are no enemies, for God utilizes every person and situation for your good. Hindrances are friendly and obstacles steppingstones. One with God, you become invincible. This is a very powerful statement: "God's Invincible Power sweeps all before it. I ride the waves into my Promised Land." Riding the waves, they take you to your destination, free from the undertow of negative thinking, which would pull you down. Your thoughts and desires are always taking you somewhere. Prentiss Mulford says: "The persistent purpose, that strong desire, that never ceasing longing, is a seed in the mind. It is rooted there, it is alive! It never stops growing!

There is a wonderful law involved in it. This law when known, followed out and trusted, leads every individual to mighty and beautiful results. The law followed with our eyes open, leads to more and more happiness in life; but followed blindly with our eyes shut, leads to misery!"

This means that desire is a tremendous vibratory force and must be rightly directed. Take this statement: "I only desire that which Infinite Intelligence desires through me. I claim that which is mine by Divine right, and under Grace in a Perfect Way!" You will then cease desiring the wrong things, and the right desires will take their place. Your dreary desires are answered drearily, your impatient desires are long delayed or violently fulfilled. It is important never to lose sight of this. Many unhappy situations have been brought about through dreary or impatient desires.

I will give an example of a woman who was married to a man who wanted her to go somewhere with him every evening. It wore her out and night after night she wished impatiently that she could stay at home and read a book. The desire was so strong it commenced to bud. Her husband went off with another woman. She lost him and his support—but she had the time to stay at home and read a book. Nothing has ever come uninvited into your life.


Prentiss Mulford has also some interesting ideas on work. He said: "To succeed in any undertaking, any art or any trade or any profession, simply keep it ever persistently fixed in mind as an aim,
and then study to make all effort toward it play or recreation. The moment it becomes hard work, we are not advancing."

As I look back on my experiences in the art world, I see how true this is. From the Academy of Fine Arts in Philadelphia, came eight men, all of about the same age, who became distinguished and successful artists. They were called "The Eight" in Contemporary Art. Not one of them was ever known to work hard. They never drew from the antique; they never did anything in an academic way. They simply expressed themselves. They painted and drew because they loved it—for the fun of it. They tell an amusing story of one of them who became a very well-known landscape artist, taking many medals and honorary mentions at exhibits. He had a one-man show in New York City, at one of the big galleries, and was seated reading a paper. An enthusiastic woman rushed up to him and said: "Can you tell me anything about the wonderful man who painted these adorable pictures?" He replied: "Sure, I'm the guy that painted the damn things." He painted for fun, he didn't care whether people liked his pictures or not.


Whereas I was blind, now I can see, my right work, my perfect self-expression. Whereas I was blind, now I can see clearly and distinctly the Divine plan of my life. Whereas I was blind, now I can see, that God's power is the only power and that God's plan is the only plan. The race thought is still with a belief in insecurity. "Awake, thou that sleepeth!" God is your eternal security of mind, body and affairs. "Let not your heart be troubled, neither be afraid." If you were wide awake to your good, you could not be troubled and fearful! Waking up to the truth, that there is no loss, lack or failure in the kingdom of reality — loss, lack and failure would disappear from your life. They come from your own vain imaginings.

The following is an example, illustrating the working of the law. A number of years ago, when I was in London I bought a wonderful fountain pen at Asprey's. It was Japanese and was called a Namike Pen. It was quite expensive and they gave me, with it, a guarantee that it would last thirty years. I was very much impressed, because every summer, on the 5th of August, they wrote me asking how the pen was getting along; one might have thought I had bought a horse. It was no ordinary pen and was very satisfactory. I always carried it with me and one day I lost it. I immediately commenced denying loss. I said; "There is no loss in Divine Mind, therefore I cannot lose the Namike Pen. It will be restored to me or its equivalent." No shops that I knew of in New York City carried these pens and London was a long way off, but I was charged with Divine Confidence, I couldn't lose the Namike Pen. One day, going along Fifth Avenue in a bus, my eye caught a sign on a shop for the fraction of a second. It seemed to stand out in the light. It read, "Oriental Craft Shop." I had never heard of it, but I had a strong hunch to go in and ask for a Namike Pen. I got off the bus and went into the shop and asked. The saleswoman replied, "Why yes, we have quite an 

assortment—they have just been reduced to $2.50." I praised the Lord and gave thanks. I bought three, and told the above story at one of my meetings. They were soon sold out as people rushed to get them. This was certainly an amazing working of the law—but, I was wide awake to my good. I did not let any grass grow under my intuitive lead.

The Truth student knows he must prove the Principle in his everyday affairs. "Acknowledge me in all your ways and I will direct your paths." "Verily, verily, I say unto you, he that believeth on me, the works that I do, he shall do also, and greater works than these, shall he do, because I go unto my Father." What wonderful Faith Jesus Christ had in man! He held the vision of the race to come. The man made in God's likeness and image, (imagination). "And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son." If ye shall ask anything in my name I will do it. He explained to the people that they were under a system of gifts. God was the Giver, man the receiver. "Believest thou not that I am in the Father and the Father in me? The words that I speak unto you I speak not of myself but the Father that dwelleth in me He doeth the works." He told people to "seek the kingdom," the realm of perfect ideas, where all things would be added unto them. He woke them up!

"Whereas I was blind, now I can see, there is nothing to fear for there is no power to hurt. I see clearly before me the open road of fulfilment. There are no obstacles on my pathway." Thou madest Him to have dominion over the works of thy hand: thou hast put all things under His feet. Psalm 8 : 6

312 Meridian Exercise

312 Meridian Exercise

312 Meridian Exercise was developed by Professor Zhu Zongxiang based on the principles of the meridian system.

3 refers to massaging three acupoints of hegu on the hand neiguan on the wrist and zusanli on the knee.

1 refers to abdominal breathing, actually a form of simplified qigong (breathing exercise), through which Zhu believed could exercise the meridians in the abdomen area being closely related with chronic diseases.

2 refers to the physical exercise of both legs. Zhu believed the most simple and effective exercise is squatting down and standing up.

Profesor Zhu Zongxiang



91 year old (2014) Zhu Zongxiang has the vigor and vitality of man half his age. In a few old and shabby rooms situated near a group of ancient buildings in Beijing, the old doctor has stubbornly persisted in learning more about the meridians of acupuncture for more than 30 years. He often said he was a traitor to Western medicine.

Since the 1950s, he had been teaching physiology, a basic medical subject, in Peking Union Medical College Hospital. However, a decision in 1973 changed his life.

That year, he was inspired by Premier Zhou Enlai's appeal to Chinese medical experts to make clear the theory of acupuncture. Zhou's call for action followed US President Richard Nixon's visit to China in 1972.

Zhu joined the acupuncture meridian research group of the Institute of Biophysics under Chinese Academy of Sciences.

Meridian points were discovered in China 2,500 years ago. In Huang Di Nei Jing (The Medical Classic of the Yellow Emperor), one of the most important ancient medical classics, the meridians were recorded to have the function of "promoting circulation of Xueqi (Blood and Qi) and balancing yin and yang" and "determining life and death and treating hundred diseases."

The meridians were discovered to be a general controlling system for the human body and had the function of preventing diseases and promoting health and longevity. Today, TCM doctors still insert acupuncture needles into the acupoints along the meridians to treat diseases.

However, the existence of the meridians has always been questioned by Western medicine.

To justify the theory, doctor Zhu and his colleagues had spent more than 10 years to experiment with modern methods to demonstrate its biophysical existence.

In the 1980s, the researchers successfully showed the 14 meridians in human body through biophysical methods, which are surprisingly identical to that recorded in ancient classical meridian graph.

For visitors suspicious towards his research, doctor Zhu would proudly demonstrate his two proof tests to them.

He used a mallet to tap different areas on the elbow until the patient heard a loud sound measured through a device similar to the stethoscope. Zhu then marked a red spot at that point.

A line of the red spots determined by the same method is actually showing the position of a meridian, according to Zhu.

He would then place two electrodes of a current meter on the line and stimulation of the current could be felt. When one electrode was placed off the line, one would feel nothing. It showed that the meridian line had the lowest electric impedance, according to Zhu.

Even after Zhu published his breakthrough findings, the scientific world still did not change their skeptical attitude. And the debate on meridians is ongoing and interpretations of the phenomenon vary among scientists.

In ancient times, meridians was a philosophical concept invented by ancient Chinese doctors to summarize the general functions of the human body, according to Wu Gencheng, director of Institute of Acupuncture Research, Shanghai Medical College of Fudan University. The institute had been researching acupuncture for decades.

"We believe that the meridians' functions are closely related with the nerves, but it is impossible in modern science to find the material equivalent to the meridians described in the ancient time. It is hard to imagine a new passage way in the human body," said Wu.

In a further blow to Zhu's efforts, the Institute stopped funding their research.

Zhu did not give up and established Beijing Yanhuang Meridian Center to design the meridian based exercise to promote people's health and longevity. Zhu calls it the "3-1-2" method.

According to Zhu, 3 refers to massaging three acupoints of hegu on the hand neiguan on the wrist and zusanli on the knee.

1 refers to abdominal breathing, actually a form of simplified qigong (breathing exercise), through which Zhu believed could exercise the meridians in the abdomen area being closely related with chronic diseases.

2 refers to the physical exercise of both legs. Zhu believed the most simple and effective exercise is squatting down and standing up.

"Physical exercise will involve the excitation of all the meridians spreading in the whole body," he explained.

In fact, in Zhu's views, the health benefits of all kinds of physical exercise are actually coming from the enhancement of the meridians in the process.

Daily exercises for 25 minutes will keep people young and vigorous, prevent and treat many senile and difficult diseases and relieve some common diseases, Zhu claims.

During the past 17 years, Zhu had formally trained more than 10,000 people, mostly elderly people. "Though the popularization of the exercise is slow, I obtain valuable proof information from them that the exercise is effective for health promotion," he said.

Zhang Yawen, 74, was a typical beneficiary of 312 exercises. She was a college professor and had long been inflicted by hypertension and arthritis, which often made her sleepless at night.

She claimed her health improved a lot after she followed 312 exercises for a few months. Now she has the confidence to live to 100.

Zhu conducted a study among more than 8,000 people attending his training class, 95 percent of whom suffered from chronic diseases such as hypertension, coronary heart disease, asthma, diabetes and arthritis. Most have seen major improvements after four weeks' practice.

Though Zhu had a strong wish to spread his exercise to a larger population, he still depends on opening workshops and distributing study materials to spread the word.










16 August 2014
Hosted in Guiyang, China on 16th August 2014, the 4th World 312 Meridian Congress had received speakers from 10 countries around the world including China, India, European Union, Malaysia and Singapore. 2000 strong crowd from 30 different provinces in China attended the congress.

Guests of honour include national leaders of China to grace the event of spreading the popular 312 exercise which had attracted over 30,000,000 people worldwide.

The next congress will be held in Singapore organised by International 312 Meridian Exercise Association.

Torn

There are times in our life that we experience the internal crossroad of doing what feels right in our heart and what external pressures expect us to do.
These challenges aid us in the development of our character.

"No! You are not amputating my hand! I will never allow you to cut off my hand! I need both of my hands! Please, please tell me that you are not going to cut off my hand!"

Silence, tears, and screams . . . she was in a state of disbelief and terrorized by the thought of amputation.

"If you want to take my hand, you'll have to wait until after I am dead! I am not some experimental animal. 
"Please, Dr. Ohno! Tell them not to amputate my hand! Please, please, I beg of you!"

This is a tragic story that I experienced at the same hospital three years later. She was a very young and talented girl with such a kind and friendly personality. She attracted many people, and everyone wanted to be her friend.  She was not only the promising star of her gymnastics team, but she was also a beauty with the heart of an angel.  She was as intelligent as she was lovely.  her parents had high hopes that she would enter medical school and become a doctor someday.  She mastered all of her subjects in school with high honors. Everything in her future seemed bright and promising.  No one could ever imagine that death was lingering beside her like a terrible , dark shadow. 

One day after she turned 15 years old, she began to feel a swelling and a hot spot in her shoulder.  At first she thought this was caused by an insect bite so she ignored it. However, the discomfort continued for over a month. She never complained about the symptoms to her parents or her gymnastics coach.  She was concentrating on her gymnastics competition that was soon to take place, and she didn't want to concern anyone needlessly. 
Although she continued to feel the pain, she ignored it, hoping it would eventually subside.

then, her bright future came to a halt.  It all became apparent during gymnastics practice, when in the middle of doing a routine cartwheel, she experienced a severe pain in her shoulder.  She ignored the pain and continued to practice another cartwheel.  This time the pain intensified and she felt a very strange 'crack' inside her shoulder.  The pain became severe.  It literally took away her breath .  She fell to the floor in excruciating pain, screaming, "Someone help me! I think . . .I think I broke my arm!"

Within moments she fell to the floor unconscious from the pain.  Her gymnastics coach and her friends immediately surrounded her. 
"Call an ambulance! Someone, quickly call an ambulance !"
The gymnastics coach then said, "No one move her!  Wait until the ambulance arrives.  We don't want to take a chance and cause more damage to her shoulder!"

Off and on she would awaken, scream out again in pain, and fall suddenly back into an unconscious state.

At the hospital, her X-rays were read by emergency room doctor, who told her, "Your humerus bone has been fractured. There is also a mass showing up in your X-rays and I feel we should take a closer look at it.  I suggest that we admit you into the hospital fora biopsy as soon as possible."

The next day the biopsy was taken and sent to the pathology department for analysis. When the doctor received the results from the biopsy, he went to the young girl and her family and reviewed the results of her biopsy.  They watched as the doctor opened the envelope containing the pathology report.  As his eyes scanned the report, the look on his face dramatically changed and he became very somber.  After what seemed like an eternity, he read the results to the young girl and her family.

"I am sorry to say that I have some very bad news.  The pathologist's report shows a tumor on the humerus."

Everyone was quiet for a moment.  Her father asked  , " Is the tumor benign . . . or malignant? 

"The tumor is malignant." The doctor added, "It is so far advanced that if we performed an operation to remove the tumor, her chance of living for five years would only be 20 percent. The X-rays also indicate that the cancer has already metastasized to the lung."

Her parents wept upon hearing the devastating news.  The young girl's eyes filled with tears, but she held her emotions. Upon hearing the news, the young girl and her parents went to another hospital to seek a second opinion.  Unfortunately , the prognosis was the same. They then proceeded to go to three more hospitals.  The prognosis from all the hospitals was virtually the same.  Finally, they returned to the University Hospital.

I was among the staff present when the young girl and her parents heard the recommendation from the professor, " We should amputate her arm from the shoulder immediately.  We need to perform the amputation as soon as possible, in order to increase her chances of survival."

The young girl responded emphatically, "No! This is my body ! My arm! My life!It's not your life! I will not consider amputating my arm, and I don't care what the consequences are! "

There was a long discussion between the girl and her parents and the professor over the amputation.  The tension in the  room was strong as the professor attempted to persuade her to have the amputation.  Her parents believed that if she went through with the amputation, it would help prolong her life. But the young girl was emphatic about her decision to not go through with the procedure.

"After I die you can amputate my arm for the tests you want to perform, but I will not allow the amputation while I am alive! Even though my mother is crying and trying to persuade me, I cannot agree with her. This is my body, not my mother's body. I am 15 years old and I will decide what is best for my body and my life!"

One last time the professor very sternly told her, " You should have the amputation and it has to be done immediately. If you do not go through with the amputation you will surely die very soon. You must reconsider!"

Once again, I was internally questioning the opinion of the professor.  I knew that her cancer had already metastasized to her lung and there was nothing that amputating her arm would do to help her live longer.  I wondered why he was so emphatic about recommending the amputation. 

I later realized that the professor wanted to perform the amputation because her tumor was very rare.  If the amputation were to be done while the girl was still alive , the tumor would also be alive.  The live tumor was necessary for his personal experiment research. 

The professor continued to pressure her to have the amputation.  However, she still refused.  The professor and her family finally gave up. The the professor offered his only alternative, the new anticancer drug.

The days to follow would present me with a similar scene of watching a patient in torment, as I would again be called upon to administer the anticancer drug to the young girl.  Once again, I was obeying an order from the professor.  An order to give a patient a painful drug that went against my personal and professional judgment. I struggled emotionally and mentally, moment by moment, torn between what i was expected to do and what I knew was the right thing to do. 

Three days after I had started injecting the anticancer drug into the young girl, the nightmare of her agony took hold. She had no appetite ; she experienced ongoing nausea and  vomiting. The fatigue from fighting her suffering was overwhelming. 

"Please, Dr. Ohno, please don't give me any more injections! I can't take the pain of the side effects anymore! My stomach feels like it's pushing its way up through my mouth.  i've had so many seizures!
"Please make this hell stop! Please! Stop giving me this drug!"

She was completely fatigued.  She was collapsing and sobbing. I watched as her face turned pale from the effects of the drug.  I witnessed her tough and fighting spirit fade into a lifeless agony.

She had huge sores in her mouth from the side effects of the drug.  the sores were so bad she could not swallow , let alone eat.  The seizures were intensifying. it was becoming more difficult for her to breathe.  Compounding her misery were other side effects of chronic headaches, fever and infection. medicine to help eliminate these was not  working.

"Help me Dr. Ohno ! I have already lost 20 pounds! I cannot eat anything, because nothing stays in my stomach. No one has any idea how much I am suffering ! Please stop giving me that drug! I know I am dying. I don't want to take this drug anymore!"

If the positive benefits had offset the negative side effects, I might have been more understanding and less resistant.  But this was not the case.  I began to feel that this drug was a monster. I felt that I was not a doctor, but I was being forced against my better judgment to administer this 'Devil's Drug' which was torturing and killing my patients !I would ask myself, "Am I really a doctor, or am I just a prisoner of the medical system?"

Question after question kept entering my mind , How can i stop giving my patients this horrible drug when I know it is torturing them? 
How can I stand by and allow myself to remain a part of this if I know it is wrong?
How can I continue to call myself a doctor when I think myself as a killer?

I knew for my own preservation and peace of mind that I had to do something else to help my patients.  I decided to commit myself to finding another way to help these people and hopefully by doing so, I would heal myself of the personal torment  I was living through.

Struggle can be a blessing in disguise.
There is no room to grow if the Universe does not present challenges. 

Dr. Yoshitaka Ohno. M.D., Ph.D.