Do you like it if anyone disrespects you? I know it’s an absurd question. Of course, you don’t. I mean do you get affected if others disrespect you? Strike that too, actually. Of course, you get affected in varying degrees depending on the incident, offender, timing, and situation. We all do. No one is immune to the effects of disrespect. Most of us find it hard to shake off incidents where we feel we were not respected enough. Strange that we take it so personally, particularly considering that we don’t usually complain when showered with undue respect.

At least, I have certainly experienced it first hand, that is, to be at the receiving end of excessive respect and undue credit. Every now and then, I’m approached by someone who has worked very hard to be where they are and then they come and tell me that it is because of my blessings. Even when I insist that it’s due to their hard work and divine grace, they still attribute their success to my presence in their life. It’s their greatness and humility. Mentally, I offer it all the feet of the Divine Mother. 

The question I wish to tackle today is: why do some people command respect while many don’t even get credit where it’s due? Allow me to divide respect into three categories:

Social Respect

Think of someone you deeply respect. Is that person a miser, someone selfish, a narcissist, incompetent, or a dunce? Probably not. Chances are that the person you respect the most is someone who possesses the exact opposite of what I just stated. The person who has earned your respect must have a degree of competence, empathy, and other virtues. But most importantly, he or she would have impacted you in a positive way.

I feel that often respect is an outcome of the contribution you have made to the lives of others. People respect you for something you did for them. And, sad though it is, our respect is not absolute. It is quite possible to have great reverence for a crook as long as he did something good for you. There are people who worship and protect drug lords just because the heads of these mafias used their ill-gotten wealth to help them. I had Pablo Escobar in mind when I wrote that sentence. In essence, what I am saying is that when people respect someone, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the person they are respecting is a noble soul. It simply means that this person has touched their lives in a good way.

In short, people will respect you for the good they perceive you did to them.

Professional Respect

What about respect at the workplace? There are some people who seem to get more respect from their colleagues, juniors, and bosses than others. Some who are more political and manipulative may extract a behavior of respect but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are respected. For example, our world is full of managers and figures of authority, where they are always treated with respect. Everyone is polite in front of these guys. How they are talked about behind their backs, however, is another story. Having said that, in my observation spanning over two decades, I can tell you that when it comes to the idea of respect at work, the singular most important factor is just one word.

Competence.

Competent people command more respect naturally. There may be those who are jealous of these people or don’t support them for whatever reason but secretly they envy competent people. If you are competent at what you do, a shark, an absolute expert, you will be respected. The less competent you are, the more you have to rely on rumor mills, games, and other useless ploys. Of course, if you are competent and you can communicate it to others, it’s a killer combination. No competence equals little respect.

Does that mean competent people always rise to the top? Please note I am not suggesting that your competency will give you success (although the odds are heavily in your favor). I’m saying that competence will earn you respect. And there’s something remarkable about such respect: it fuels your self-esteem, self-worth, and a sense of wellbeing.

Those who rise to the top by being manipulative or political not only remain deeply insecure but also suffer from low self-esteem. Interestingly, they also possess some or all the traits of a narcissistic person.

Personal Respect

Sometimes you may be very charitable, competent, or helpful and yet, in personal relationships, you feel you are not getting the respect you deserve. Truth be told, not only our respect towards others is not absolute, but the very idea of respect itself is also relative. Based on our expectations, conditioning, and what have you, we believe we deserve a certain kind of respect. When we get more than we deserve, we have their attention and when they aren’t respecting us as much as we feel they should, they have our attention. But beyond this tug of war, there are two utterly simple ways of understanding and getting respect in personal relationships.

A. Never put up with disrespectful behavior

I can’t even begin to tell you how important this is. If you accept disrespect at the beginning of any relationship, you will find yourself forever struggling to fix that aspect. How two people or new family members treat each other in the first few weeks of meeting pretty much sets the tone of that relationship for the rest of their lives. 

If you are going to accept disrespectful behavior today, tomorrow, it’ll get worse. Therefore, if you love yourself and want any sense of peace and equality in your personal relationships, make it clear in no uncertain terms the respect you seek. If someone is shouting at you today, at the next conflict, they are not going to lower their decibel. If anything, it’ll be higher. Put a stop to it right at the beginning, no matter what the price. Otherwise, the pattern will become: conflict -> argument -> disrespect -> distance -> apology -> repeat. This pattern creates excess baggage.

B. Don’t be clingy

This is more common than we’d like to accept. At times, a relationship has turned sour and there’s no soul left in it but the needy party continues to tag along. That need could be social, financial, or emotional, but we cling when we no longer believe in ourselves. We cling when we don’t respect ourselves. And let me tell you, there’s no respect without self-respect. 

If you are being disrespected and you are putting up with it, could it be because you need the other person for whatever reason? If the answer is yes, the news is not too good. It means there came a moment in your life when you stopped loving yourself, that moment when you let someone disrespect you simply because they could. It means you accepted that moment. There is very little hope of now getting respect from this person. Reason? They actually don’t respect you anymore and you gave them the liberty to be disrespectful to you at some point in time. Even if they want to, they will struggle to reverse their behavior. The only silver lining is that it’s not impossible but it requires that you take a bold step.

In personal relationships, remember the golden rule: whatever negative behavior you accept even once will only worsen over time.

Ultimately, the least everyone deserves is respect. And the paradox is that it can’t be granted as such, it has to be earned. If you deserve respect but don’t get it, you must take charge of your life. On the other hand, no matter how much you dislike someone, never deprive them of respect, even if out of politeness. For, respect is an acknowledgment of your existence. And, that is a big deal, one of the most fundamental human needs.

A lady visited Mulla Nasrudin’s pharmacy and asked for a dose of potassium cyanide which was denied instantly. When she wouldn’t relent, Mulla asked her what she needed the lethal chemical for.

“My husband’s been going around with a woman,” she said. “I’ll lace his tea with it.”
“Forgive him, Lady,” Mulla said. “Why carry so much anger in your heart? Besides, I can’t just hand you the chemical. It’ll be illegal to do that.”

Without another word, the lady took out a set of photos from her handbag and slid them across the counter. Mulla took one look and realized that the woman this man had been going around with was none other than his own wife.
“Well, now that’s different, Madam,” he said. “You didn’t tell me you had the prescription.”

The truth is irrespective of the setting — social, professional, or personal — if your self-respect is in a coffin, your respect is already buried deep in the ground. An equally important truth is that we can love ourselves even if we haven’t done anything special, for self-attachment is a natural phenomenon. But when it comes to self-respect, it is only possible if we genuinely have invested ourselves in anything worthwhile. The rest is noise.

If you want respect, simply ask yourself three things:
Am I selfless?
Am I competent?
Do I have self-respect?

And, if you really want to get a grip on respect, bear in mind three things:

Social respect is a repayment. That is, you’ve already lent the world something you have (resources, wisdom, time, etc.) and they pay you back by giving you respect.

Professional respect is a payment. That is, you are awarded respect for your competence and position.

Personal respect is an inheritance. By virtue of the relationship and bond you share, you are entitled to some respect by default. And as with any inheritance, it’s so easy to squander it away. Invest and guard it carefully. 

In a nutshell: you can make a world of difference in someone’s life just by giving them respect. Besides, it’s not a favor to those around us but our moral obligation. Just do it.

Respectfully Yours,

Peace Its Me

健康财富

 这专用于所有人类生存模式。 如果我们想实现这一目标，那么健壮的健康至关重要。 明智的做法永远不会太晚。 修改永远不会太早。

 2021年4月18日，星期日

 尊重方面

 尊重

 尊敬生存模式或生存工具是最重要的吗？

 不要指望别人尊重你对自己所做的事情，而是要尊重别人对自己的所作所为。

 如果有人不尊重你，你喜欢吗？ 我知道这是一个荒谬的问题。 当然可以 我的意思是，如果别人不尊重你，你会受到影响吗？ 实际上，也要罢工。 当然，根据事件，违法者，时间和情况的不同，您会受到不同程度的影响。 大家都这样做。 没有人能幸免于无礼的影响。 我们大多数人发现很难摆脱我们没有得到足够尊重的事件。 奇怪的是，我们如此个人地对待它，特别是考虑到我们通常在受到不适当的尊重时不会抱怨。

 至少，我当然是亲身经历过的，也就是说，在过度尊重和过度信用的接受端。 时不时地有人找我，我一直很努力地去他们那里，然后他们来告诉我，这是我的祝福。 即使我坚持认为这是由于他们的辛勤工作和神圣的恩典，他们仍然将自己的成功归功于我一生的存在。 这是他们的伟大和谦卑。 从精神上讲，我为神母献上了一切。

 我今天要解决的问题是：为什么有些人需要尊重，而许多人甚至没有得到应有的尊重？ 请允许我将尊重分为三类：

 社会尊重

 想想一个你深爱的人。 那个人是一个流氓，一个自私的人，一个自恋者，无能的人，还是一个笨蛋？ 可能不会。 很有可能您最尊敬的人是与我刚才所说的完全相反的人。 赢得您尊敬的人必须具有一定的能力，同理心和其他美德。 但最重要的是，他或她会对您产生积极的影响。

 我认为，经常的尊重是您对他人生活所作贡献的结果。 人们尊重您为您所做的贡献。 而且，尽管令人遗憾，但我们的尊重并不是绝对的。 只要他做对你有益的事，就很有可能对他有很高的敬意。 有些人敬拜和保护毒drug只是因为这些黑手党的头目利用他们不义之财来帮助他们。 当我写那句话时，我想到了帕勃罗·埃斯科巴尔（Pablo Escobar）。 本质上，我的意思是，当人们尊重某个人时，并不一定意味着他们所尊重的那个人是一个高尚的灵魂。 这仅表示此人已很好地打动了他们的生活。

 简而言之，人们会尊重您对您所做的贡献。

 专业的尊重

 那在工作场所的尊重呢？ 有些人似乎比其他人更受同事，下级和老板的尊重。 有些人在政治和手法上可能会表现出尊重的行为，但这并不一定意味着他们会受到尊重。 例如，我们的世界到处都是管理者和权威人物，他们总是受到尊重。 在这些家伙面前，每个人都很客气。 然而，如何在背后谈论他们是另一回事。 话虽如此，在我跨越二十年的观察中，我可以告诉你，关于尊重工作的想法，唯一最重要的因素只是一个字。

 权限。

 有能力的人自然会赢得更多尊重。 可能有些人嫉妒这些人，或者出于某种原因不支持他们，但他们暗中嫉妒有能力的人。 如果您能胜任工作，鲨鱼，绝对专家，那么您将受到尊重。 您的能力越差，您就越需要依靠谣言磨坊，游戏和其他无用的手段。 当然，如果您有能力并且可以与他人交流，那将是杀手combination。 没有能力等于没有尊重。

 这是否意味着称职的人才总能升至最高？ 请注意，我并不是说您的能力会给您带来成功（尽管赔率对您有利）。 我是说能力会赢得您的尊重。 这种尊敬有一些非凡之处：它可以激发您的自尊，自我价值和幸福感。

 那些通过操纵或政治手段登上顶峰的人不仅保持深深的不安全感，而且还遭受自卑感的困扰。 有趣的是，它们还具有自恋型人的一些或全部特征。

 个人尊重

 有时您可能会非常慈善，胜任或乐于助人，但在人际关系中，您感到自己没有得到应有的尊重。 说实话，不仅我们对他人的尊重不是绝对的，而且尊重本身的想法也是相对的。 根据我们的期望，条件和您的所愿，我们相信我们应该得到某种尊重。 当我们获得超出应有的回报时，我们就会得到他们的关注，而当他们没有如我们所愿地尊重我们时，他们就会得到我们的关注。 但是，除了这场拔河比赛之外，还有两种非常简单的方式来理解和尊重人际关系。

 A.永远不要容忍不尊重的行为

 我什至无法开始告诉你这有多重要。 如果您在任何关系的开始都接受不尊重，那么您将发现自己永远在为解决这个问题而苦苦挣扎。 在见面的前几周，两个人或新家庭成员之间如何相处，这在很大程度上为以后的生活树立了这种关系的基调。

 如果您今天（明天）要接受无礼的行为，情况将会变得更糟。 因此，如果您爱自己，并希望在人际关系中获得和平与平等的感觉，请明确表示您所寻求的尊重。 如果有人今天对着你大喊，那么在下一次冲突中，他们不会降低分贝。 如果有的话，会更高。 无论价格如何，一开始都应立即停止。 否则，模式将变为：冲突->参数->不尊重->距离->道歉->重复。 这种模式会造成行李过重。

 B.不要太固执

 这比我们想接受的更为普遍。 有时候，一段恋情变得酸痛，没有灵魂，但是有需要的聚会仍在继续。 这种需求可能是社交，财务或情感上的需求，但是当我们不再相信自己时，我们就会紧紧抓住。 当我们不尊重自己时，我们会坚持。 让我告诉你，没有自尊心就没有尊重。

 如果您不受欢迎，并且忍受了它，那可能是因为出于某种原因需要对方吗？ 如果答案是肯定的，那么新闻就不会太好。 这意味着您一生中有一个时刻，您不再爱自己，那一刻，您让某人因为他们可能会不尊重您而对他们不尊重。 这意味着您接受了这一刻。 现在很少有希望得到这个人的尊重。 原因？ 他们实际上不再尊重您，您给予他们自由，在某些时候对您不尊重。 即使他们愿意，他们也将努力扭转自己的行为。 唯一的一线希望是，这并非不可能，但这需要您迈出大胆的一步。

 在人际关系中，请记住黄金法则：即使您接受一次负面的行为，只会随着时间的流逝而恶化。

 归根结底，每个人都应该得到的尊重是最重要的。 而自相矛盾的是，不能因此而授予它，而必须获得它。 如果您应得的尊重却没有得到尊重，则必须负责您的生活。 另一方面，无论您多么讨厌某个人，即使出于礼貌，也不要剥夺他们的尊重。 因为，尊重是对你的存在的承认。 而且，这很重要，这是人类最基本的需求之一。

 一位女士参观了穆拉·纳斯鲁丁（Mulla Nasrudin）的药房，要求立即拒绝服用一剂氰化钾。 当她不放松时，穆拉问她她需要这种致命的化学物质。

 她说：“我丈夫一直和一个女人在一起。”  “我要把他的茶加花边。”

 “原谅他，女士，”穆拉说。  “为什么在你的心中充满如此愤怒？ 此外，我不能只把化学药品交给你。 这样做是非法的。”

 这位女士一言不发地从手提包中取出了一组照片，将它们滑过柜台。 穆拉看了一眼，意识到这个男人一直陪伴的那个女人就是他自己的妻子。

 他说：“嗯，现在不一样了，女士。”  “你没有告诉我你有处方。”

 事实与设置无关，无论是社会，专业还是个人，如果您的自尊心是放在棺材里的，那么您的尊敬就已经深埋在地下。 同样重要的一个事实是，即使我们没有做任何特别的事情，我们也可以爱自己，因为自我依恋是一种自然现象。 但是，在自尊方面，只有我们真正投资了任何值得的东西，才有可能。 剩下的就是噪音。

 如果您想得到尊重，只需问问自己三件事：

 我无私吗？

 我能胜任吗？

 我有自尊心吗？

 而且，如果您真的想保持尊重，请记住以下三点：

 社会尊重是一种偿还。 也就是说，您已经向世界借出了自己拥有的东西（资源，智慧，时间等），并且他们通过给予您尊重来回报您。

 专业的尊重是一种报酬。 就是说，您被授予对您的能力和职位的尊重。

 个人尊重是一种继承。 由于您之间的关系和纽带，默认情况下，您有权获得一些尊重。 与任何继承一样，浪费掉它也很容易。 进行仔细的投资和保护。

 简而言之：只要尊重他人，您就可以在某人的生活中创造与众不同的世界。 此外，这不是我们周围人的青睐，而是我们的道德义务。 去做就对了。

 肃然，

 和平我