5 Signs That You Are Dealing With a Control Freak
They never, ever admit that they're wrong.
How To Deal with a Control Freak
Don't let them hijack your happiness — or sanity
如何應對控制狂 Rú-hé yìng-duì kòng-zhì kuáng
不要讓他們劫持你的幸福或理智 bù-yào ràng tā-men jié-chí nǐ de xìng-fú huò lǐ-zhì
Remember That God is in Control 記得上帝掌管一切 Jì-dé shàng-dì zhǎng-guǎn yī-qiè
KEY POINTS
● People with a high need for control often feel the need to correct others when they're wrong.
●Controlling people often don't admit when they're wrong, possibly because they are afraid of their admission being used against them.
●Those with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving.
The term "control freak" is obviously not a clinical one, but it has meaning nonetheless because the term so clearly defines a problem: Men and women who have a high need for control can often be too extreme, giving rise to the notion that these individuals are abnormal or "freakish."
What kind of disorder might this type of person have? Control seekers are often obsessive-compulsive, angry (either overt or passive-aggressive), phobic, or even mood-disordered. These people need control because, without it, they fear things would spiral out of control and their lives would fall apart.
How can you spot a high-control person? You can spot these types in every walk of life, in settings from home to work to social gatherings. Do high-control people think of themselves as control freaks? Because these individuals need a high level of control, they also need to control their image, so while they will usually acknowledge that they need a lot of control in situations, they will reject the "freak" part of the label—the association that there is something wrong with them or that they need too much control. In fact, many high-control men and women will often justify their need for control in the following ways: "I have to be this way to do as much as I do," "People need people like me because so many people are actually incompetent," and "Things would fall apart without me."
Needing a high level of control in situations is often not psychologically healthy because so much in life is beyond our control. If you need total control even though you and everyone else knows that it is impossible to achieve, then you are going to have more anxiety because of the bar you set for yourself. Consider the signs below and you may find yourself in some of the examples.
1. Correcting people when they're wrong.
People with a high need for control often feel the need to correct others when they're wrong. They correct someone due to an irrational argument; they correct spelling or pronunciation; they correct details of what happened in the past; they correct bad manners; they correct people when they do something wrong or inappropriate. It's important to understand, though, that underneath the motivation to correct others is the belief that they are usually—or always—right.
2. Always trying to win the argument or have the last word.
High-control men and women are difficult to have relationships with because they like to set the rules—and subsequently enforce them. They act superior to others and are determined to show everyone that they are the most practical, logical, and intelligent person in any crowd.
3. Refusal to admit when they're wrong. Hands down, one of the traits that most annoys friends, romantic partners, and colleagues is the refusal on the part of high-control men and women to admit when they are wrong. It could be the smallest, simplest issue, but high-control people don't care—they just want to make sure they don't admit they were wrong. Their thinking is distorted to the point that they believe others may use their admission against them or will perceive them as incompetent or foolish because of one simple error. As a rule, these individuals present all-or-nothing, black-or-white thinking; dealing with anything in between is uncomfortable for them.
4. Judging or criticizing others.
Some of the most judgmental individuals you will ever meet are men and women with a high need for control. They are highly principled, with opinions on everything from how people should hold their forks to how people should live their entire lives. These men and women have an answer for everything, and they come across as sanctimonious or hypocritical to those who know them well.
5. Driving with rage.
People with a high need for control often get very frustrated while driving. They believe they are the only ones who know how to drive correctly. They often put other drivers down, make nasty faces at them, or even curse or issue profanities when someone on the road does something that bothers them. Yet the most common problem with high-control men and women on the road is their own impatience. They get annoyed because drivers go too slow or too fast. They treat pedestrians as interference getting in the way of accomplishing their goals. Again, in the minds of these individuals, it's all about them and they don't spend time trying to imagine what anyone else thinks or feels in the same situation.
The takeaway
High-control men and women, the people we call "control freaks," engage in a series of behaviors that frustrate others and cause resentment. These individuals operate the way they do because they believe that they need to in order to meet their needs and accomplish their goals.
If you see yourself in some of these high-control behaviors, take a step back and ask yourself whether you are exhausted from always trying to control everything. If you see someone you love in these behaviors, it's time to have a chat about what bothers you, so that your resentments don't get worse, jeopardizing the future of the relationship. If you point out to a high-control man or woman that you have a problem with them, give them a few concrete examples of what they do that bothers you—and give them time to work on changing.
How To Deal with a Control Freak
Don't let them hijack your happiness — or sanity
If you live with a control freak, you love them despite their constant need to make sure that everything goes their way.
如果你和一個控制狂住在一起，你會愛他們，儘管他們總是需要確保一切都按照他們的意願進行。Rú-guǒ nǐ hé yī-gè kòng-zhì kuáng zhù zài yī-qǐ, nǐ huì ài tā-men, jǐn-guǎn tā-men zǒng shì xū-yào què-bǎo yī-qiè dōu àn-zhào tā-men de yì-yuàn jìn-xíng.
If you work with one, you tolerate them because you like your job, you have bills to pay — and prison orange isn’t your color. 如果你和一個控制狂一起工作，你會容忍他們，因為你喜歡你的工作，你有帳單要付——而監獄橙色不是你的顏色。Rú-guǒ nǐ hé yī-gè kòng-zhì kuáng yī-qǐ gōng-zuò, nǐ huì róng-rěn tā-men, yīn-wèi nǐ xǐ-huān nǐ de gōng-zuò, nǐ yǒu zhàng dān yào fù——ér jiā-nyù chéng-sè bù-shì nǐ de yán-sè.
You can’t avoid all the control freaks of the world, so you have to find a way to peacefully coexist with them. It’s tough, but believe it or not, it can be done. Let’s start by understanding the psychology behind the behavior. 你無法避免世界上所有的控制狂，所以你必須找到一種方法與他們和平共處。 這很難，但不管你信不信，這是可以做到的。 讓我們先了解行為背後的心理學。Nǐ wú-fǎ bì-miǎn shì-jiè shàng suǒ-yǒu de kòng-zhì kuáng, suǒ-yǐ nǐ bì-xū zhǎo-dào yī-zhǒng fāng-fǎ yǔ tā-men hé-píng gòng-chǔ. Zhè hěn nán, dàn bù-guǎn nǐ xìn bù-xìn, zhè shì kě-yǐ zuò dào de. Ràng wǒ-men xiān liǎo-jiě xíng-wéi bèi-hòu de xīn-lǐ xué.
What makes a control freak tick? 是什麼讓控制狂如此行事？Shì shén-me ràng kòng-zhì kuáng rú-cǐ xíng-shì?
Control freaks tend to have a psychological need to be in charge of things and people around them. This often includes circumstances that cannot be changed or even controlled. The need for control can stem from deeper psychological issues such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders or personality disorders. 控制狂常有一種心理需要，需要掌控周遭的事物和人。 這通常包括無法改變甚至無法控制的情況。 控制的需求可能源自於更深層的心理問題，例如強迫症 (OCD)、焦慮症或人格障礙。Kòngzhì kuáng cháng yǒu yīzhǒng xīnlǐ xūyào, xūyào zhǎngkòng zhōuzāo de shìwù hé rén. Zhè tōngcháng bāokuò wúfǎ gǎibiàn shènzhì wúfǎ kòngzhì de qíngkuàng. Kòngzhì de xūqiú kěnéng yuán zì yú gēng shēncéng de xīnlǐ wèntí, lìrú qiǎngpò zhèng (OCD), jiāolǜ zhèng huò réngé zhàng'ài.
“People who try to dominate you can be exhausting and suffocating. They make you feel like you can’t breathe and you are trapped in their ways,” 「那些試圖控制你的人可能會讓人筋疲力盡、令人窒息。 他們讓你感覺無法呼吸，你被困在他們的方式中，” `Nàxiē shìtú kòngzhì nǐ de rén kěnéng huì ràng rén jīnpílìjìn, lìng rén zhìxí. Tāmen ràng nǐ gǎnjué wúfǎ hūxī, nǐ bèi kùn zài tāmen de fāngshì zhōng,”
“Unfortunately, we all have control freaks of different degrees in our lives. Sometimes it is a boss or friend. It’s particularly difficult when it is a family member which creates a toxic and tricky world to navigate. You often can’t just cut them out — you have to learn how to skillfully navigate their nature,” 「那些試圖控制你的人可能會讓人筋疲力盡、令人窒息。 他們讓你感覺無法呼吸，你被困在他們的方式中，” `Nàxiē shìtú kòngzhì nǐ de rén kěnéng huì ràng rén jīnpílìjìn, lìng rén zhìxí. Tāmen ràng nǐ gǎnjué wúfǎ hūxī, nǐ bèi kùn zài tāmen de fāngshì zhōng,”
Control freaks are always aware of what they’re doing, right? 控制狂總是清楚自己在做什麼，對吧？Kòng-zhì kuáng zǒng shì qīng-chǔ zì-jǐ zài zuò shén-me, duì ba?
Not necessarily. It might seem like they have agendas to take over our lives and the world, but that’s not the case. Fear is often a motivator in their desire to control. Anxiety is another reason for their behavior. 不必要。 他們似乎有接管我們的生活和世界的議程，但事實並非如此。 恐懼往往是他們控制欲的動力。 焦慮是他們行為的另一個原因。Bù bì-yào. Tā-men sì-hū yǒu jiē-guǎn wǒ-men de shēng-huó hé shì-jiè de yì-chéng, dàn shì-shí bìng-fēi rú-cǐ. Kǒng-jù wǎng-wǎng shì tā-men kòng-zhì yù de dòng-lì. Jiāo-lǜ shì tā-men xíng-wéi de lìng yī-gè yuá-nyīn.
“People who have control issues experience a lot of anxiety. They try to control things to reduce their anxiety level. Finding other positive ways to reduce their anxiety can help divert or shut down their need to control others.”
「有控制問題的人會經歷很多焦慮。 他們試圖控制事情以降低焦慮程度。 尋找其他積極的方法來減少焦慮可以幫助轉移或消除他們控制他人的需要。 `Yǒu kòng-zhì wèn-tí de rén huì jīng-lì hěn-duō jiāo-lǜ. Tā-men shì-tú kòng-zhì shì-qíng yǐ jiàng-dī jiāo-lǜ chéng-dù. Xún-zhǎo qí-tā jī-jí de fāng-fǎ lái jiǎn-shǎo jiāo-lǜ kě-yǐ bāng-zhù zhuǎ-nyí huò xiāo-chú tā-men kòng-zhì tā-rén de xū-yào.
Changing your perspective can make them a little easier to deal with. 改變你的觀點可以讓他們更容易處理。Gǎi-biàn nǐ de guān-diǎn kě-yǐ ràng tā-men gèng róng-yì chǔ-lǐ.
The term “control freak” is a pretty charged one when you think about it. ‘Control freak’ can be a negative term that makes you automatically feel angry and indicates that people are abnormal. Recommended by reframing the term 'control freak', by saying that people with control issues “like to take charge of things.” That can help take your negative association with these individuals down a notch. 仔細想想，「控制狂」這個詞是一個相當有內涵的詞。 「控制狂」可能是個負面術語，它會讓你自然而然地感到憤怒，並表明人們不正常。 透過重新定義「控制狂」一詞來推薦，稱有控制問題的人「喜歡掌控一切」。 這可以幫助減少你與這些人的負面連結。Zǐ-xì xiǎng xiǎng,`kòng-zhì kuáng' zhè-ge cí shì yī-gè xiāng-dāng yǒu nèi-hán de cí. `Kòng-zhì kuáng' kě-néng shì-gè fù-miàn shù-yǔ, tā huì ràng nǐ zì-rán'-érrán dì gǎn-dào fèn-nù, bìng biǎo-míng ré-nmen bù zhèng-cháng. Tòu-guò chóng-xīn dìng-yì `kòng-zhì kuáng'yī cí lái tuī-jiàn, chēng yǒu kòng-zhì wèn-tí de rén `xǐ-huān zhǎng-kòng yī-qiè'. Zhè kě-yǐ bāng-zhù jiǎn-shǎo nǐ yǔ zhè-xiē rén de fù-miàn lián-jié.
Bullying is never the way to go o living this life. 霸凌永遠不是我們這種生活的出路。Bà líng yǒngyuǎn bùshì wǒmen zhè zhǒng shēnghuó de chūlù.
People with control issues may tap dance on your last nerve, but don’t take the low road when interacting with them.
有控制問題的人可能會在你最後的神經上跳踢踏舞，但在與他們互動時不要採取低俗的方式。Yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén kěnéng huì zài nǐ zuìhòu de shénjīng shàng tiào tītàwǔ, dàn zài yǔ tāmen hùdòng shí bùyào cǎiqǔ dīsú de fāngshì.
Remember that it is never okay to bully them. Sometimes control freaks genuinely don’t realize that their behavior is coming across that way. Labeling it as such can sometimes shine a different light on it for the controller. It is recommended not hurling insults at people who struggle with control issues.
請記住，欺負他們是絕對不行的。 有時控制狂真的沒有意識到他們的行為是這樣的。 如此標記有時可以為控制器帶來不同的光芒。 建議不要侮辱那些與控制問題奮鬥的人。Qǐng jì zhù, qīfù tāmen shì juéduì bùxíng de. Yǒu shí kòngzhì kuáng zhēn de méiyǒu yìshí dào tāmen de xíngwéi shì zhèyàng de. Rúcǐ biāojì yǒu shí kěyǐ wéi kòngzhì qì dài lái bu tóng de guāngmáng. Jiànyì bùyào wǔrǔ nàxiē yǔ kòngzhì wèntí fèndòu de rén.
With these individuals, it’s important to get to the root of what is driving the need for control. If it’s due to a psychological disorder, telling the person that they’re acting like a jerk isn’t going to fix the problem. 對這些人來說，重要的是要找出驅動控制需求的根源。 如果這是由於心理障礙造成的，告訴這個人他們表現得像個混蛋並不能解決問題。Duì zhèxiē rén lái shuō, zhòngyào de shì yào zhǎo chū qūdòng kòngzhì xūqiú de gēnyuán. Rúguǒ zhè shì yóuyú xīnlǐ zhàng'ài zàochéng de, gàosù zhège rén tāmen biǎoxiàn dé xiàng gè húndàn bìng bùnéng jiějué wèntí.
How to stay calm when dealing with someone with control issues 與有控制問題的人打交道時如何保持冷靜 Yù yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén dǎjiāodào shí rúhé bǎochí lěngjìng
In a work situation, you have a glimmer of hope because you don’t have to spend your days and nights with the source of your frustration. Living with someone who has control issues might be more of a challenge. Thankfully, we have some helpful pointers for both scenarios. 在工作中，你會抱著一線希望，因為你不必日日夜夜地與沮喪的根源相處。 與有控制問題的人一起生活可能更具挑戰性。 值得慶幸的是，我們對這兩種情況都有一些有用的指導。zài gōngzuò zhōng, nǐ huì bàozhe yīxiàn xīwàng, yīnwèi nǐ bùbì rì rì yè yè de yǔ jǔsàng de gēnyuán xiāngchǔ. Yù yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén yīqǐ shēnghuó kěnéng gèng jù tiǎozhàn xìng. Zhídé qìngxìng de shì, wǒmen duì zhè liǎng zhǒng qíngkuàng dōu yǒu yīxiē yǒuyòng de zhǐdǎo.
How to handle a controlling coworker or boss 如何應對控制欲強的同事或老闆 Rú-hé yìng-duì kòng-zhì yù qiáng de tóng-shì huò lǎo-bǎn
It’s in our nature to be polite or to try to keep the peace at work. We’re with our coworkers 40 or more hours a week. The last thing we want is a tense or tumultuous work environment. On the other hand, it’s not fair for you to be on edge every day because you have to interact with a controlling officemate.禮貌或努力保持工作中的和平是我們的本性。 我們每週與同事相處的時間超過 40 個小時。 我們最不想要的就是緊張或混亂的工作環境。 另一方面，你每天都處於緊張狀態是不公平的，因為你必須與一個控制欲強的辦公室同事互動。lǐ-mào huò nǔ-lì bǎo-chí gōng-zuò zhōng de hé-píng shì wǒ-men de běn-xìng. Wǒ-men měi zhōu yǔ tóng-shì xiāng-chǔ de shí-jiān chāo-guò 40 gè xiǎo-shí. Wǒ-men zuì bù-xiǎng yào de jiù-shì jǐn-zhāng huò hǔn-luàn de gōng-zuò huán-jìng. Lìng yī fāng-miàn, nǐ měi-tiān dū chǔ-yú jǐn-zhāng zhuàng-tài shì bù gōng-píng de, yīn-wèi nǐ bì-xū yǔ yī-gè kòng-zhì yù qiáng de bàn-gōng-shì tóng-shì hù-dòng.
There’s a fine balance to coexisting with a control freak in the workplace — and it doesn’t mean that you always have to be the sacrificial lamb. 在工作場所與控制狂共存是一種很好的平衡——這並不意味著你總是必須成為受害者。Zài gōng-zuò chǎng-suǒ yǔ kòng-zhì kuáng gòng-cún shì yī-zhǒng hěn hǎo de píng-héng——zhè bìng bù yìwèizhe nǐ zǒng shì bìxū chéng-wéi shòu-hài zhě.
Taking this route: 走這條路線：Zǒu zhè tiáo lù-xiàn:
“When someone with control issues tries to take over at work, calmly point out how it makes you feel in the moment at the exact moment when it’s happening.「當有控制問題的人試圖接管工作時，請冷靜地指出事情發生的那一刻帶給你的感受。`Dāng yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén shìtú jiēguǎn gōngzuò shí, qǐng lěngjìng de zhǐchū shìqíng fāshēng dì nà yīkè dài gěi nǐ de gǎnshòu.
Don’t let it fester so you explode later. It helps to connect the feeling and the event clearly. For example, you could say something like, ‘Right now you are telling me how I should run the meeting tomorrow. I feel like you don’t trust me to do a good job.’ ” 不要讓它潰爛，以免日後爆發。 它有助於將感覺和事件清晰地聯繫起來。 例如，你可以這樣說：『現在你正在告訴我明天應該如何主持會議。 我覺得你不相信我能做好工作。 Bù-yào ràng tā kuì-làn, yǐ-miǎn rì-hòu bào-fā. Tā yǒu zhù yú jiāng gǎnjué hé shìjiàn qīngxī de liánxì qǐlái. Lìrú, nǐ kěyǐ zhèyàng shuō:“Xiànzài nǐ zhèngzài gàosù wǒ míngtiān yìng gāi rúhé zhǔchí huìyì. Wǒ juédé nǐ bù xiāngxìn wǒ néng zuò hǎo gōngzuò.
If your coworker or boss is allergic to the word “no,” good suggestion by using “gentle nos.” This means, instead of telling the person “no” with a little bass and a lot of “get out of my face” behind it, try saying something along the lines of, “What I am going to do is…” or “Another way of doing this is…” 如果你的同事或老闆對「不」這個字過敏，最好的建議是使用「溫柔的不」。 這意味著，與其用一點低音和大量“別再說話”來告訴對方“不”，不如嘗試說一些類似“我要做的是……”或“另一個”的話語。 …” Rúguǒ nǐ de tóngshì huò lǎobǎn duì `bù'zhège zì guòmǐn, zuì hǎo de jiànyì shì shǐyòng `wēnróu de bù'. Zhè yìwèizhe, yǔqí yòng yīdiǎn dīyīn hé dàliàng “bié zài shuōhuà” lái gàosù duìfāng “bù”, bùrú chángshì shuō yīxiē lèisì “wǒ yào zuò de shì……” huò “lìng yīgè” de huàyǔ. …”
With a controlling person, a firm “no” can escalate the situation. The word “no” can be very triggering and fighting words for someone who has control issues. 對於控制欲強的人來說，堅決的「不」可能會使情況升級。 對於有控制問題的人來說，「不」這個字可能是非常刺激和戰鬥的字。Duìyú kòngzhì yù qiáng de rén lái shuō, jiānjué de `bù'kěnéng huì shǐ qíngkuàng shēngjí. Duìyú yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén lái shuō,`bù'zhège zì kěnéng shì fēicháng cìjī hé zhàndòu de zì.
How to handle a loved one with control issues 如何處理有控制問題的親人 Rúhé chǔlǐ yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de qīnrén
To be clear, we’re not referring to a situation where someone is extremely controlling or abusive. If you are in a situation like that, please know there is help, and we encourage you to seek it for your safety and sanity. 需要明確的是，我們並不是指某人極度控製或虐待的情況。 如果您遇到這種情況，請知道我們可以提供協助，為了您的安全和理智，我們鼓勵您尋求協助。xūyào míngquè de shì, wǒmen bìng bùshì zhǐ mǒu rén jídù kòngzhì huò nüèdài de qíngkuàng. Rúguǒ nín yù dào zhè zhǒng qíngkuàng, qǐng zhīdào wǒmen kěyǐ tígōng xiézhù, wèile nín de ānquán hé lǐzhì, wǒmen gǔlì nín xúnqiú xiézhù.
In this case, we’re referring to someone who might be a little too particular or peculiar about the little things. They could be a partner, a friend or even a family member. 在這種情況下，我們指的是那些可能對小事有點過於挑剔或奇特的人。 他們可以是伴侶、朋友甚至家人。Zài zhè zhǒng qíngkuàng xià, wǒmen zhǐ de shì nàxiē kěnéng duì xiǎoshì yǒudiǎn guòyú tiāotì huò qítè de rén. Tā-men kěyǐ shì bàn-lǚ, péng-yǒu shèn-zhì jiā-rén.
When dealing with loved ones with control issues, recommend you to choose your battles. You may win a battle or two , but lose a war. Some things are worth holding your ground and doing them your way. Encouragement for you is to know your limits and be very clear about them. Don’t ask the person for their opinion when you’re planning something or even doing the simplest tasks. 當與有控制問題的親人打交道時，建議您選擇戰鬥。 你可能會贏得一兩場戰鬥，但會輸掉一場戰爭。 有些事情值得堅守陣地並以自己的方式去做。 對你的鼓勵就是了解你的極限並非常清楚它們。 當你在計畫某件事，甚至在做最簡單的任務時，不要問對方的意見。Dāng yù yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de qīnrén dǎjiāodào shí, jiànyì nín xuǎnzé zhàndòu. Nǐ kěnéng huì yíngdé yī liǎng chǎng zhàndòu, dàn huì shū diào yīchǎng zhànzhēng. Yǒuxiē shìqíng zhídé jiānshǒu zhèndì bìng yǐ zìjǐ de fāngshì qù zuò. Duì nǐ de gǔlì jiùshì liǎojiě nǐ de jíxiàn bìng fēicháng qīngchǔ tāmen. Dāng nǐ zài jì huà mǒu jiàn shì, shènzhì zài zuò zuì jiǎndān de rènwù shí, bù-yào wèn duì-fāng de yì-jiàn.
“Don’t invite opinions. Instead of saying, ‘What do you think about…’ say, ‘I am doing this,’ ” “不要徵求意見。 不要說，’你覺得…’，而要說，’我正在這樣做’” “Bùyào zhǐqiú yìjiàn. Bùyào shuō,’ nǐ juédé…’, ér yào shuō,’ wǒ zhèngzài zhèyàng zuò’”
If you spend a lot of time with a person who has control issues, shave that time down a little to make things less stressful. And when you talk to them, only give high-level details about what’s going on in your personal or professional life. This way, they won’t have the opportunity to critique your decisions.
如果你花很多時間和一個有控制問題的人在一起，那就縮短一點時間，以減輕壓力。 當你與他們交談時，只提供有關你個人或職業生活中發生的事情的高級細節。 這樣，他們就沒有機會批評你的決定。Rúguǒ nǐ huā hěnduō shíjiān hé yīgè yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén zài yīqǐ, nà jiù suōduǎn yīdiǎn shíjiān, yǐ jiǎnqīng yālì. Dāng nǐ yǔ tāmen jiāotán shí, zhǐ tígōng yǒuguān nǐ gèrén huò zhíyè shēnghuó zhōng fāshēng de shìqíng de gāojí xìjié. Zhèyàng, tāmen jiù méiyǒu jīhuì pīpíng nǐ de juédìng.
Don’t sweat the small stuff 不要為小事而煩惱 Bù-yào wèi xiǎo-shì ér fán-nǎo
Some things aren’t worth the time or energy. When it comes to minor tasks or things that really aren’t relevant, don’t argue. Sometimes it is just easier to allow people with control issues to do things their way. For instance, if it doesn’t truly matter where you eat lunch or dinner, let them decide. But giving them complete control across the board is not good for you or your relationship. This will only cause resentment and anger.
有些事情不值得花時間或精力。 當涉及到小任務或真正不相關的事情時，不要爭論。 有時，讓有控制問題的人用自己的方式做事會更容易。 例如，如果你在哪裡吃午餐或晚餐並不重要，那就讓他們決定。 但讓他們全面控制對你或你們的關係都沒有好處。 這只會引起怨恨和憤怒。yǒuxiē shìqíng bù zhídé huā shí jiàn huò jīnglì. Dāng shèjí dào xiǎo rènwù huò zhēnzhèng bù xiāngguān de shìqíng shí, bùyào zhēnglùn. Yǒu shí, ràng yǒu kòngzhì wèntí de rén yòng zìjǐ de fāngshì zuòshì huì gèng róngyì. Lìrú, rúguǒ nǐ zài nǎlǐ chī wǔcān huò wǎncān bìng bù chóng yào, nà jiù ràng tāmen juédìng. Dàn ràng tāmen quánmiàn kòngzhì duì nǐ huò nǐmen de guānxì dōu méiyǒu hǎochù. Zhè zhǐ huì yǐn-qǐ yuàn-hèn hé fèn-nù.
You can make things more manageable by giving your coworker or loved one positive and constructive ways to challenge their controlling nature. Give them tasks that you aren’t enthusiastic about. This doesn’t mean punishing them with horrible projects. You can assign them mundane tasks that they really enjoy doing. Once they complete those projects, thank them for “taking charge." (Wink,😉 wink.) 透過給你的同事或親人提供積極和建設性的方式來挑戰他們的控製本性，你可以讓事情變得更容易管理。 給他們分配你不熱衷的任務。 這並不意味著用可怕的項目來懲罰他們。 你可以給他們分配他們真正喜歡做的平凡任務。 一旦他們完成了這些項目，感謝他們「負 😉 責」。Tòu-guò gěi nǐ de tóng-shì huò qīnrén tígōng jījí hé jiànshè xìng de fāngshì lái tiǎozhàn tāmen de kòngzhì běnxìng, nǐ kěyǐ ràng shìqíng biàn dé gèng róngyì guǎnlǐ. Gěi tāmen fēnpèi nǐ bù rèzhōng de rènwù. Zhè bìng bù yìwèizhe yòng kěpà de xiàngmù lái chéngfá tāmen. Nǐ kěyǐ gěi tāmen fēnpèi tāmen zhēnzhèng xǐhuān zuò de píngfán rènwù. Yīdàn tāmen wánchéngle zhèxiē xiàngmù, gǎnxiè tāmen `fùzé'.😉
Surround yourself with supportive people 讓自己周圍都是支持你的人 Ràng zìjǐ zhōu-wéi dōu shì zhī-chí nǐ de rén
It can be overwhelming when you have to deal with a control freak on a daily basis. That’s why you need a supportive network of people who will back you up and allow you to vent. 當你每天必須與控制狂打交道時，你可能會感到不知所措。 這就是為什麼你需要一個支持你並允許你發洩的人的支持網絡。dāng nǐ měi-tiān bì-xū yǔ kòng-zhì kuáng dǎjiāodào shí, nǐ kěnéng huì gǎndào bùzhī suǒ cuò. Zhè jiùshì wèishéme nǐ xūyào yīgè zhīchí nǐ bìng yǔnxǔ nǐ fāxiè de rén de zhī-chí wǎng-luò.
Be sure to talk to others. A controlling person knows how to make you feel guilty, or feel like you are doing something wrong or unwise if you don’t follow their advice. That’s why it’s always good to check in with a neutral party or another family member to reinforce that your opinion matters and is valid.
一定要和其他人交談。 控制欲強的人知道如何讓你感到內疚，或者如果你不聽從他們的建議，就會覺得你做錯了或不明智的事情。 這就是為什麼最好與中立方或其他家庭成員核實，以強調您的意見很重要且有效 。Yīdìng yào hé qítā rén jiāotán. Kòngzhì yù qiáng de rén zhīdào rúhé ràng nǐ gǎndào nèijiù, huòzhě rúguǒ nǐ bù tīngcóng tāmen de jiànyì, jiù huì juédé nǐ zuò cuòle huò bù míngzhì de shìqíng. Zhè jiùshì wèishéme zuì hǎo yǔ zhōng lìfāng huò qítā jiātíng chéngyuán liánxì, yǐ qiángdiào nín de yìjiàn hěn zhòngyào qiě yǒuxiào.
Remember That God is in Control
記得上帝掌管一切
Jì-dé shàng-dì zhǎng-guǎn yī-qiè
If you are feeling on edge, worried, or anxious you are not alone! Uncertainty quickly leads to fear and fear erodes away at our faith. Fear can be powerful. In fact, fear is one of satan's most used tactics to get us to doubt God. We have the power to overcome anxiety and fear with God's promises. Despite what we feel, we need to remind ourselves that God is in control. When everything around us feels out of control, we can allow Scripture to prove to us that God has been, is, and will be sovereign over our lives and world. God alone is our peace and comfort. Here are 10 of my favorite Bible verses that remind me that God is in control.
如果您感到緊張、擔心或焦慮，您並不孤單！ 不確定性很快就會導致恐懼，而恐懼會侵蝕我們的信仰。 恐懼可以很強大。 事實上，恐懼是撒旦最常用的策略之一，它讓我們懷疑上帝。 我們有能力透過神的應許克服焦慮和恐懼。 不管我們有什麼感覺，我們都需要提醒自己，上帝在掌管一切。 當我們感覺到周圍的一切都失控時，我們可以讓聖經向我們證明上帝過去、現在和將來都對我們的生活和世界擁有主權。 唯獨神才是我們的平安和安慰。 以下是我最喜歡的 10 節聖經經文，它們提醒我上帝掌管一切。Rúguǒ nín gǎndào jǐnzhāng, dānxīn huò jiāolǜ, nín bìng bù gūdān! Bù quèdìng xìng hěn kuài jiù huì dǎozhì kǒngjù, ér kǒngjù huì qīnshí wǒmen de xìnyǎng. Kǒngjù kěyǐ hěn qiángdà. Shìshí shàng, kǒngjù shì sādàn zuì chángyòng de cèlüè zhī yī, tā ràng wǒmen huáiyí shàngdì. Wǒmen yǒu nénglì tòuguò shén de yīngxǔ kèfú jiāolǜ hé kǒngjù. Bùguǎn wǒmen yǒu shé me gǎnjué, wǒmen dōu xūyào tíxǐng zìjǐ, shàngdì zài zhǎngguǎn yīqiè. Dāng wǒmen gǎnjué dào zhōuwéi de yīqiè dōu shīkòng shí, wǒmen kěyǐ ràng shèngjīng xiàng wǒmen zhèngmíng shàngdì guòqù, xiànzài hé jiānglái dōu duì wǒmen de shēnghuó hé shìjiè yǒngyǒu zhǔquán. Wéi dú shén cái shì wǒmen de píng'ān hé ānwèi. Yǐxià shì wǒ zuì xǐhuān de 10 jié shèngjīng jīng wén, tāmen tíxǐng wǒ shàngdì zhǎngguǎn yīqiè.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” .
This passage of Scripture assures us that God knows what He’s doing, His thinking is different than ours when it comes to what is best for us and His ways – and everything He allows – are so much higher and better than ours. Despite what we see around us, we can take a pause and refocus on what really matters. Let the "big things" become little in the hands of God.
耶和華說：“我的意念非同你們的意念，我的道路非同你們的道路。” 「天怎樣高過地，照樣，我的道路高過你們的道路，我的意念高過你們的意念」。
這段經文向我們保證，神知道祂在做什麼，當談到什麼對我們最好時，祂的想法與我們的不同，祂的方式——以及祂允許的一切——比我們的方式更高、更好。 不管周圍看到什麼，我們都可以停下來，重新專注於真正重要的事情。 讓「大事」在神手中變成小事。
Deuteronomy 31:8 申命記 31:8
以賽亞書 55:8-9
神掌管以賽亞-55:8
耶和華說：“我的意念非同你們的意念，我的道路非同你們的道路。” 「天怎樣高過地，照樣，我的道路高過你們的道路，我的意念高過你們的意念」。
這段經文向我們保證，神知道祂在做什麼，當談到什麼對我們最好時，祂的想法與我們的不同，祂的方式——以及祂允許的一切——比我們的方式更高、更好。 不管周圍看到什麼，我們都可以停下來，重新專注於真正重要的事情。 讓「大事」在神手中變成小事。
申命記 31:8
神掌管聖經經文 申命記 31:8
「主走在你前面。 祂會與你同在； 他不會離開你或拋棄你。 不要害怕，也不要驚慌。
當摩西委託約書亞帶領以色列人進入應許之地時，摩西對他說了這些話。 但今天我們可以從這些話中看到希望和信心，神走在我們前面，祂與我們並肩同行，祂支持我們。 祂不會撇下我們，也不會丟棄我們（希伯來書13:5），並且根據祂的智慧、祂的愛和祂的計劃，祂清楚地知道正在發生的一切、已經發生的一切以及將要發生的一切。 當神掌管我們的未來時，我們就不需要害怕。
Deuteronomy 31:8
“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”
Moses spoke these words to Joshua as he commissioned him to take the Israelites into the Promised Land. But we can glean from these words the hope and confidence today that God goes before us, He walks alongside us, and He’s got our backs. He will not leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5) and He is well aware of all that is happening, all that has happened, and all that will happen according to His wisdom, His love, and His plan. We do not need to fear when we have God in control of our future. 「主走在你前面。 祂會與你同在； 他不會離開你或拋棄你。 不要害怕或沮喪。
當摩西委託約書亞帶領以色列人進入應許之地時，摩西對他說了這些話。 但今天我們可以從這些話中看到希望和信心，上帝走在我們前面，祂與我們並肩同行，祂支持我們。 祂不會撇下我們，也不會拋棄我們（希伯來書13:5），並且根據祂的智慧、祂的愛和祂的計劃，祂清楚地知道正在發生的一切、已經發生的一切以及將要發生的一切。 當神掌管我們的未來時，我們就不需要害怕。
Psalm 73:26 詩篇 73:26 Shī-piān 73:26
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Whether it is sickness, disease, loss of a job, betrayal, or even our own sin - God shows up. His grace supports us and sustains us. He strengthens our soul through trials and in the moment of death, he conquers the grave. Our souls are safe and secure in the Lords' hands.
“我的肉體和我的心可能會衰竭，但神是我心的力量，也是我永遠的福分。”
無論是疾病、疾病、失業、背叛，甚至是我們自己的罪──神都會出現。 祂的恩典支持我們、支持我們。 他透過考驗使我們的靈魂變得堅強，在死亡的那一刻，他征服了墳墓。 我們的靈魂在主的手中是安全的。
2 Chronicles 2:17
“If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”
This verse reinforces that God wants His people to be humble and dependent on Him. He is the Gentle Healer and the Great Physician. He can heal individually, as well as heal nations physically, economically, spiritually. But He desires we call out to Him for help. Trust what He is allowing to effect you, your family, and the world, and cry out to Him for healing. The best thing we can do when we are overwhelmed with anxiety is to cry out to God in prayer.
「如果那些稱為我名下的子民謙卑自己，祈禱並尋求我的面，轉離他們的邪惡道路，那麼我將從天上垂聽，赦免他們的罪，醫治他們的土地。”
這節經文強調神希望祂的子民謙卑並依賴祂。 他是溫柔的治療師和偉大的醫生。 他可以治癒個人，也可以治癒國家的身體、經濟和精神。 但他希望我們向他求助。 相信祂所允許的對你、你的家人和世界的影響，並向祂呼求醫治。 當我們被焦慮壓倒時，我們能做的最好的事情就是在禱告中向上帝呼求。
Psalm 23:3
"He refreshes my soul, He guides me along the right paths for his names' sake."
Psalm 23 is a beautiful chapter of the Bible in which David acknowledges God's goodness and protection in his life. David has come to learn the comfort in depending upon God. He recounts his experience as God being a shepherd for Him - leading him through troubles and guiding him. We can have confident hope that God will provide for us throughout all of life.
“他使我的靈魂煥然一新，為了他的名，他引導我走上正確的道路。”
詩篇 23 是聖經中美麗的一章，大衛在其中承認上帝的良善和對他生命的保護。 大衛逐漸學會了依靠神所帶來的安慰。 他講述了自己作為上帝的牧人的經歷——帶領他度過困難並引導他。 我們可以滿懷信心地希望上帝會供應我們一輩子。
Psalm 125:2
"As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore."
Jerusalem is surrounded by natural fortification - Mount Zion on the north, mount of Olives on the east, and other mountains on remaining sides. Just as Jerusalem is protection, God surrounds and protects us with his favor and lovingkindness. He is our shield and guards us with his providential hand. God does not leave us nor forsake but guides us even unto death. When you're worried you can remember that God is surrounding you on all sides!
「眾山如何圍繞耶路撒冷，耶和華也照樣圍繞他的百姓，從今時直到永遠。”
耶路撒冷被天然防禦工事包圍 - 北部是錫安山，東部是橄欖山，其餘兩側是其他山脈。 正如耶路撒冷是保護一樣，神也以祂的恩惠和慈愛包圍並保護我們。 祂是我們的盾牌，用祂天意的手保護我們。 神不撇下我們，也不丟棄我們，甚至引導我們至死亡。 當你擔心的時候，你會記得上帝在四面八方包圍著你！
Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
God gives us the prescription for anxiety - and that is prayer. Be quick to pray when the anxious thoughts begin to rise. When we take our requests to God we are allowing Him to work in our lives and take control of our thoughts and emotions. We cannot understand supernatural peace until we surrender our mind to God's ways and thoughts. Meditating on Scripture and praying throughout the day will allow us to see events through God's perspective.
「不要為任何事憂慮，而要在任何情況下，藉著禱告、祈求和感恩，將你們所求的告訴神。神所賜出人意外的平安，必在基督耶穌裡保守你們的心懷意念。 」
上帝給了我們治療焦慮的處方——那就是禱告。 當焦慮的想法開始出現時，要迅速祈禱。 當我們向上帝提出請求時，我們就允許祂在我們的生活中工作並控制我們的思想和情感。 除非我們將自己的思想降服於神的道路和思想，否則我們無法理解超自然的平安。 整天默想聖經和禱告將使我們能夠從上帝的角度看待事件。
John 14:27
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."
Jesus Christ knew that his time to die was approaching. As he prepared his disciples he left them with the promise of his legacy - peace. The Gospel of Jesus is peace, both eternal peace through His death and resurrection and peace on earth. By faith in Jesus we find relief from our worries and fear. Any peace the world offers is temporary and fleeting, the peace that Christ offers is lasting and solid. We can trust a loving God who would offer up His son as a payment for our sins in exchange for eternal and earthly peace.
「我把平安留給你們；我給你們我的平安。我不會像世界那樣給你們。不要讓你們的心煩惱，也不要害怕。”
耶穌基督知道祂的死期即將來臨。 當他準備他的門徒時，他給他們留下了他的遺產的承諾——和平。 耶穌的福音是和平，既是透過祂的死和復活而實現的永恆和平，也是地球上的和平。 藉著對耶穌的信心，我們可以擺脫憂慮和恐懼。 世界所提供的任何平安都是暫時的、轉瞬即逝的，而基督所提供的平安是持久而堅固的。 我們可以相信一位慈愛的上帝，祂願意獻出祂的兒子作為我們罪的贖價，以換取永恆的塵世和平。
Ecclesiastes 3:11傳道書 3:11
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also
set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
There is beauty in everything God has created. He orders all things and upholds their purpose. We may not always understand why God allows for things to happen in our lives that cause pain, fear, and worry. However, we can trust that He has a beautiful purpose for it.
「他讓一切在其時代變得美麗。他還
將永恆銘記於人心； 然而，沒有人能測透神從頭到尾所做的一切。
上帝所創造的一切都是美麗的。 祂命令一切事物並維護它們的目的。 我們可能不會總是理解為什麼上帝允許我們生活中發生一些導致痛苦、恐懼和擔憂的事情。 然而，我們可以相信他對此有一個美好的目的。
Hebrews 11:1希伯來書 11:1
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Faith is believing that God exists, that he rewards those who seek him and that we can hope in him because his promises will always be true. Faith does not require perfection, but consistent belief that God is in control and we are to live in accordance to His will. A life of faith is lived in believing the promises of God to be true and clinging to them when we are uncertian. Faith does not need to see to believe that God is in control.
「現在，信仰是對我們所希望的事情的信心，以及對我們沒有看到的事情的保證。”
信仰就是相信上帝存在，相信祂會獎賞那些尋求祂的人，我們可以對祂抱有希望，因為祂的應許永遠都是真實的。 信仰並非要求完美，而是始終相信上帝掌管一切，我們要按照祂的旨意生活。 信仰的生活就是相信神的應許是真實的，並在我們不確定時堅持它們。 信心不需要親眼所見才能相信上帝掌管一切。
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