Because that is how you start ruining friendships.
You make the connection conditional on the money.
There has been research on hobbies with children. When you start offering cash rewards for things kids enjoy doing naturally, such as art, it ruins the hobby when they stop getting the cash rewards. It undermines their intrinsic motivation.
A similar thing happens with friends. You begin inserting cash into a friendship that had occurred naturally.
There’s endless stories from athletes on how friendships were ruined when they started pampering their buddies—until those athletes realized they were spending too much money and needed to turn the cash faucet off. So many times, those same friends would become bitter and think they’d been wronged. You’d be amazed at how quickly people can become entitled.
There’s no value in just shoveling money at random friends. Take care of your mother and siblings, sure. But giving money to people just sets a problematic expectation and makes things weird.
It destroys friendships as no good deed goes unpunished.
■This could also be one reason why some people tend to reject money. They know themselves and don't want to be tempted or become entitled
●Precisely. My father is from Taiwan, and it was ingraineddddd in him since child to say he was full when his neighbors offered him food, even when he was hungry..to be polite and not look needy, and to not tarnish any relationships (mostly to not “shame” his parents).
l am, by proxy, like my father, it seems.
■Very interesting.
■Would he accept the food after much persisting though ?
●Most likely, but he'd feel “bad”, and plan to do something of equal value in return.
■Thanks for those insights.
■I would be similar.
●If anyone helps me or shows kindness , I want to give them back.
■But of course, friend.
●nope. people reject free gifts because they know they’d then be indebted to your and you will be expecting a quid pro quo one way or another….and they don’t want that.
■Don Corleone: Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me
Don Caballero to Floyd the Barber after Opie and friends broke his barber pole: “Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. Perhaps a haircut or trim; perhaps to lay down your life for me.”
● Floyd the Barber: “Oh, come to think of it, I don’ think they broke the pole exactly…”
■I worked at a factory with an older fellow who was my trainer for 6 months. I’d ask if he wanted a coffee from the machine (.50) and he’d say, “No, I wouldn’t want to be obligated to you”. Now, he was saying it in a joking manner but there was a bit of seriousness underneath. Whatever dude, it’s only 50 cents.
●There is a proverb in Turkish; The hand that gives is superior to the hand that takes. Most people don't want to be the hand that takes, except for beggars.
■Then there is no need to give money to charities and gifts. 😁
●It's not like that either ☺️. In fact, this proverb encourages young people to work. Is there anything in this world that is nice like eating what you earn???
●That's my view as to why we shouldn't tip…
■What happened to me is I have money but I never told my friends. We were all a bunch of poor college kids, hanging out and having fun. I did this because my family made me feel guilty about my money so I pretended I never had it.
●I met my girlfriend. As we got more serious, I told her I had money to which she was shocked as she thought I was poor. She convinced me to spend some of it. So I did.
●And I lost all of my friends and my family. If you notice, poor people have tons of friends and the wealthier you are, the less friends you have
■Your last line is so true, if you’re poor it’s easy to make and maintain friends because you’re all in the same boat. People who are well off don’t even have time to make friends and are usually guarded about what they say. They don’t really open up.
●Also very few can relate to say Buffett or Gates so when Gates says “gee gas is going up,” how many shed tears for him like poor people?
■I’m guessing you didn’t have the opportunity to make new friends at your new station? Generally people like to hang out with people in similar circumstances.
●Oddly my friends are now on my wife’s side of the family. I don’t talk to my side anymore because of what they did. At least my wife’s side still treats me like one of them
■What did your “friends” do to you?
●Passive aggressive remarks mostly and lack of hanging out. If I call a couple of times and they say they’re busy, fine. If they never get ahold of me, I’m not going to beg for friends.
●People get eaten up with jealousy. I have been poor, I am now presently comfortable. As soon as I had something more than the people I knew the negative comments started. They perceive a class difference that isn’t there. If you shared with them they would resent you. They are only happy when no on has anything. Jealousy is ugly.
■And my family was always waiting for me to fail and tell them that I have to sell the house because I’m like the lotto winner that’s gone broke. They would love to see me crash like that.
●I’m very sorry you’re surrounded by toxic people. You’re clearly very talented and I cannot offer you anything but I sincerely hope you continue doing what you love and never let anyone drag you down. Unfortunately these people will never understand what it means to earn a living.
■Thank you brother! I have realized that it’s ok to have family, but you don’t have to talk to them. I’ve stopped talking to my mom and brother and recently a friend from college basically stopped talking to me. That’s life I guess. I have my wife and two kids
●There is no good reason to tell any of your friends (or anyone, really) how much money you have, and if they are your friends, they won’t ask.
■I never did. They only saw it because of items I purchased: after my girlfriend and I got serious, I bought a new house, new truck, etc whereas before, I lived in a manufactured house. Luckily I live in a subdivision that consists of doctors, pilots, surgeons so I don’t have neighbors coming over telling me “wow! I bet that must be nice to enjoy that.” The passive aggressive remarks that I hate
●I can so relate to this, when I got my first job, my best friend was supportive at first but jealousy got the better of her as I was now more financially privileged than she was, my neighbours and church members were constantly making passive aggressive comments.
■I tried managing them for a while until I realized it had become toxic, I moved on from them and now I'm careful to live and relate with people within my class. Reason why rich men and billionaires have clubs, they are not proud, they just need the safety and security of associating within their social status.
●Living in the area you chose is very smart, living in an area where you are the most influential is actually dangerous, whenever the inhabitants see you, they feel angry at their lot in life, envy and covetousness can push people into negative things, especially in regions like ours that battle with insecurity.
■I forgot about the millionaire clubs but you’re right, it’s better to associate with one another. My brother, 49, is one that is envious of me. He has worked a full time job when he was in his 30s but now it’s mainly gig jobs and I think he’s just couch surfing.
●This all ties back to what you were saying. There are the people that work hard, invest their money, make wise decisions that have plentiful fruit. Then there are people that decide to sleep in and spend every penny, and hate the people with the fruit.
■Or just hang out with good people who aren't leeches. My friends don't give a shit how much money I have.
●Where I live, there are pilots, doctors, engineers, surgeons. We all have basically the same subdivision house. My wife and the pilots wife volunteer at the kids school. I also help at the school. Nobody cares about income
●More wealth equals less friends is patently false.
■That’s what happened to me. Of course, everyone’s situation is different. However, you have to think: are they your friends because of you or your money and what you spend on them?
●Experience is the best teacher and your situation is a typical example. We have all been through a lot. In fact I have come to realise we always put efforts to give the impression we are rich, instead of making us happy, it always ends miserably. It takes time and maturity to finally learn, you only have to be happy within.
■As far as your line “giving the impression we are rich, instead of making us happy” I would say it depends on how you approach it.
●If you are paper rich (credit cards), then the projection of being rich is fake because you don’t actually have the money, it’s all borrowed. All you are doing is trying to impress people which leads you on an endless spending spree of impressing people. And then the bills come.
■If you have old money (money for awhile vs new money), you don’t but to impress others, but buy for yourself, which adds to your wealth. For instance, I just got a 56 T Bird. When I drive it, I’m amazed how many people wave at me but I didn’t get it for that reason, I got it because I liked the car. And it’s a collector.
●That’s where I think there’s a difference
■Which ASEAN country is more overrated, Thailand or Singapore?
I honestly don't know how to answer this question. It's very subjective. The first time I visited Singapore as a young man in 1972 I felt that it was like a doctors office. So clean, so sterile. Thailand was exactly the opposite. Colorful chaos is the only way to describe it. Forty years later I still maintain the same opinion. Neither country is overrated. It's all about how both country's citizens view and live their lives. Do you want to live in a well-run hospital or a circus tent? As for me, I prefer the circus. It's much more fun than being in the hospital.
●Has retiring given you a sense of additional freedom?
■What are some upper class mannerisms that lower and middle class folks do not have?
●What is the single best financial move you have ever made in your life?
■Why is Singapore such a disgusting place?
●Why is the Philippines such a terrible place?
■Are Oxford and Cambridge full of condescending, upper class people and are there significant drawbacks attending as someone from a state school background due to bullying etc?
●Is it fair for children to inherit all of their parents' wealth? What are your thoughts on inheritance and its limits?
■How much have you saved by the age of 31?
●What is the most overrated country in Europe?
■Can an ethnic Malay become a top official in Singapore? Like be her Prime Minister? Watch YouTube here
●Why are some Malaysians living in Singapore or Johor so pro-PAP but refuse to take up Singapore citizenship? Is it because of National Service?
■How do people in Tibet acquire wealth? Are there any wealthy individuals in Tibet?
●How do Chinese Singaporeans view China?
◆“Do you know who my father is?”
“No, but maybe your mother does”
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